I’ve been contemplating how much time I personally spend on my phone and other devices. As I sit here and compose this, my eyes are feeling tired and blurry. And yet, how often do we continue to ignore these signs telling us we need a break. There is no question that this is a strain on our health.
I’ve practiced as a nurse-midwife and a women’s health nurse practitioner for over 30 years and experienced firsthand the transition from handwritten notes to electronic medical records. There have been some benefits to this, such as better integration of care, and better access to our health data by providers and ourselves, but unfortunately, so much of the work as health care providers is now staring at a screen instead of looking into the eyes of our patients. This shift has been profound, and both providers and patients have expressed significant dissatisfaction related to this transition.
I’ve had the unique experience of having kids when cell phones were introduced and became mainstream, a time when they were no longer tools only used by certain professionals like health providers on call. I also had my three children about 10 years apart, so I’ve witnessed the progression of more screen time over two very different eras. I saw the impact it had on my older two children born close together, and then the impact on my younger son years later.
There are countless studies that look at the effects of screen time on children. Some show no detrimental effects; others demonstrate clear impacts on mental health and well-being. I’m not a child development expert, simply a caring and observant mother. And from that perspective, I have no doubt that increasing screen time has an even more profound effect on the health and well-being of our children.
However, regardless of the studies, I’m sure that every parent has seen the effect of increased screen time firsthand. We usually give our kids cellphones at the juncture when they can have more independence, but we still need to be able to reach them after school or during after-school activities. In reality, my experience was that this translated into my kids only answering when convenient for them, not consistently for necessary parent/child communication. What started as a utilitarian tool slowly evolved into something very different. It became almost exclusively for their communication with their friends. I quickly realized that it was almost impossible to maintain control over this device that was intended to make our lives easier! At first, it was only texting on small flip-phones, but it quickly evolved as the various platforms kept emerging — creating spaces where they weren’t just connecting with friends and family, but with the entire world.
And what was the impact of this new technology over time? It had a negative impact on their physical activity and their ability to be present for person-to-person engagement. Also, given the remote nature of this new(er) communication, there was a new level of cruelty and bullying which was more anonymous and as such, often more brazen. There was also the added propensity of youth to constantly compare themselves to the ‘filtered’ image of others. And, while I began to see the potential negative impacts of this, my ability to monitor this technology became less. This increased the tension in our family as I tried to set boundaries that were constantly being challenged by my kids.
As time went on, cell phones became increasingly ubiquitous, and a part of our everyday lives. Even my older children — who once thought I was unreasonable — began recognizing the negative influence of screens on their younger brother. And yet, when Covid arrived, all these issues became amplified. An entire generation spent unprecedented hours online, including attending school. This was true for even very young grammar school children, essentially their only way to socialize and stay connected to friends. When I ponder this, I realize how significant this was on all of us but especially the young. At the time, this seemed the least of our concerns as so many individuals were getting ill and dying, but we now live with a legacy that has changed us forever. We now know that these platforms create a sense of connection, a sense of belonging that draws us in — and yet often leaves us increasingly isolated. When we are struggling with self-esteem, anxiety, or depression, and then exposed to carefully curated, picture-perfect lives, this leaves us feeling alone and disconnected.
Currently, even toddlers are using these devices. I have no judgement, and I know first-hand how difficult those years are, but these are incredibly powerful influences shaping such young developing brains. I will provide one astounding example. When I was working at an academic hospital, I admitted a woman in labor who delivered precipitously. This means she arrived and barely made it to the bed before the baby came. There was no time to call in a support person to take her toddler out of the room. When birth goes so quickly, I believe that for some women, they experience the power and intensity of the entire labor and birth experience in that very short period. In this situation, the woman was extremely fearful and in a state of panic. To the inexperienced individual, much less a child, this can be extremely intense and traumatic. Fortunately, this woman’s child had an ipad and was so deeply engaged visually that he did not even acknowledge what was going on a few feet from him, nor did he attend to his mother screaming in fear and panic. He was completely immune to everything that was going on around him. In this instance, it was an absolute blessing, but this is an example of how powerful these devices are for a young child. I have serious concerns about the long-term impact of this on such a young developing brain. I think we all need to think deeply about this.
So, where do we go from here? Are there ways we can mitigate the impact of screens on ourselves and our children? I don’t pretend to know the answers or what will work for everyone, but, as a health care provider, I can offer reflections and suggestions based on my own experience — and my own mistakes. Because we will continue to live in this digital world, we must find strategies to help overcome the negative effects of this revolution.
I have developed some personal strategies that may help others.
When I consciously stop myself at least every 90 minutes and stand, stretch, and breathe, it makes aprofound difference. Sometimes that’s not possible, such as when I am on a zoom or webinar; but one thing I’ve found helpful is to go off camera for a short period and simply close my eyes, take some deep breaths, even stand up and stretch. This has been a great reset for me in those moments. This time interval should be shortened for children.
I also now try to plan my day with intention and set time limits for work, SM, personal email, socializing in person, exercise (fresh air), relaxation, and meditation. You can encourage your kids to do this as well.
Historically, I would make a list and feel frustrated if I didn’t accomplish all or most tasks on that list, but now, I set limits on how much time I spend on different tasks. If it seems too much work to plan your day ahead of time, you can try making a list of main tasks and then set reasonable time limits as you go through each task. I try to ask myself whether the things on my list get done now or whether I push some tasks to another time, does it really matter in the bigger picture of our lives and our world? This has really helped me to have more balance in my life, but also a more balanced relationship with my devices. I also now try to praise myself for the things I accomplished on my list instead of berating myself for the things I didn’t get accomplished on it. This has been a small, but very powerful shift.
In order to decrease the amount of tension in the house, ask your kids to be a part of the solution. Acknowledge that you also need to work on these issues in your own life. Then, you can talk about these issues collectively and set reasonable guidelines, knowing that there will be times when we won’t be able to adhere to our set rules. Perhaps even allow the kids to be part of the enforcement of the collective decisions!
I acknowledge that none of this is simple. But as a mom (or guardian), empower yourself to believe in your ability to make the right decisions for yourself and your family. Data and research are important to remain informed, but we also need to listen and trust our own intuition. Although it’s not easy, we can move in a direction of more control and balance over this digital world. It will take a conscious effort, as well patience and kindness with ourselves and our children. We must give ourselves grace, realize that we are not perfect, and simply do the best we can in the challenging digital world we live in.
